It seems so obvious now that getting vaccinated was the right thing to do. You’ve gotten yours, right? What brand did you get? I got Pfizer, no-stroke edition. Maybe I’ll be feeling a little AstraZeneca for my booster, or maybe get on a little NovaVax vibe if I’m feeling frisky. But seriously, what a load off. Now we don’t have to wear masks anymore or stay in isolation, and we’re finally back to the exact way the world was before… Right?
I just wish those pesky anti-vaxxers would get off their Flat Earth and come join reality. I mean, just get the jab already. The trusty media’s already reported that 101.4% of doctors and scientists all across the universe are in favour of the vaccine. As if I needed any more proof, my dentist and my neighbourhood geologist are both double-vaxxed, and these Experts on Science surely both have the inside scoop on what Pfizer may or may not be slipping into the vaccine cauldron. Probably just a bit of newt’s foot, amirite?
No, the company that holds the world record for the biggest fraud case would never be involved in an international medical scandal. Nope, not again. Those government officials and doctors in dozens of countries would never fall for that old trick twice…
But what those crazy conspiracists don’t seem to understand is that it’s incredibly selfish and immature to be rejecting this year-old vaccine. It’s been so thoroughly tested and approved that it doesn’t even matter that it’s not reducing transmission or viral load, and it’s not like we have to think about how it might affect us a few years from now. Sure we can still spread the virus, but these studies are showing you’re only twice as likely to die from taking the vaccine than not, or was it 88% of people… Ah, I forget now. In any case, that’s a pretty hot bargain if ever I saw one, plus you go in the draw to win one of 100 adverse events. Sign me up, doc.
But seriously, seriously, it’s only a teeny tiny chance that you’ll get any adverse reaction. It’s not like there were 818,044 adverse events from Covid jabs in 10 months, when there were only 7596 adverse events from flu shots annually, or 17,619 deaths from the Covid vax in 10 months, when 78 deaths occurred annually from flu shots. Definitely not. Plus, if you find that suspicious, you’re obviously a bit thick in the head. Besides, what’s a bit of myocarditis and blood clotting when you’re told you’ll probably have a better chance of survival from a 99.7% survivable virus? It’s not like you can cure it with dangerous medications like hydroxychloroquine, ivermectin, or vitamin D, and our natural immune systems are vastly less effective than what our amazing, beautiful, pure, innocent, incorruptible science has gifted us.
The thing is, conspiracists just don’t have an appreciation for what is realistically feasible. The virus obviously came from nature, and its creation certainly wasn’t funded by the same guy directing the vaccination programme. Why would that be at all suspicious? Those dumbspiracists are going around telling everyone that every single one of those doctors and scientists would have to be paid off for this to work, because they all do their own research and are specialists in mRNA technology and coronavirus epidemiology, which is standard training for family doctors. They wouldn’t simply take the word of their government-sanctioned health protocol… What, do you think they don’t have the time to scrutinise a variety of studies and investigate who’s funding them? After all, it’s a massive planet with so many moving parts, and there have never been any vaccination conspiracies that have lasted much longer than 40 years anyway.
It’s just silly, really, to think that the rich and powerful, Big Tech, Big Pharma, and the governments aren’t all being completely transparent with us. What could they possibly have to gain? The government is always completely honest with its people, the media too, and they would never make any decision that could possibly come at the expense of their own people. Those conspiracists are crazy (and honestly kind of stupid if you ask me). The only logical conclusion is that they must all hate all of science and all vaccinations in general. I don’t think that’s too much of a generalisation, do you? Thank God above that platforms like YouTube have kindly removed any and all information that contradicts the government on Covid, but left all the true Flat Earth content in place.
But we can all rest assured that we only have to take these perfectly effective and trustworthy inoculations every 6 months to retain our hard-earned freedoms. That’s a small price to pay when it’s simultaneously creating mutations, and we can’t stop now! We all need to roll up our sleeves and play our part in accepting whatever the government tells us. We are good people—nay, heroes—for taking this shot, even if it doesn’t quite work like they said it would. Think of Grandma and Little Johnny down the street, who also considered and rejected a deeply corrupt underbelly of the medical industry. You’ve done them proud, probably saved their lives, and we can change our Facebook picture to show our good deeds now. Utopia is near! Vax on, people 🙂
Shitting On The Fence 